Welcome to My Life
by Samantha J. Mulder
Summary: When Phil went back to the future, Keely felt like she lost everything. Songfic to the Simple Plan song.


A/n: Hey, hey! Thanks to everyone who reviewed "Berwick vs. Teslow." This is a bit of change of pace, hope you enjoy it!

Welcome to My Life

_Do you ever feel like breaking down? _

_Do you ever feel out of place? _

_Like somehow you just don't belong _

_And no one understands you _

The final bell rang and Keely Teslow stepped out into the stream of students rushing around. Even in the crowed hallway, she felt alone. All around her people were laughing, talking about weekend plans, couples were holding hands and everyone seemed excited about the weekend. Keely remember when she was like them, when she was happy, when she laughed. Now those times seemed like a far off memory, a scene from an old movie. A few people said hi to her and she just gave them a nod and a fake smile.

_Do you ever want to run away? _

_Do you lock yourself in your room? _

_With the radio on turned up so loud _

_That no one hears you screaming _

Keely let herself into her house. No one was home, as usual. She'd gotten used to being alone, especially since Phil left. She had other friends, sure, but lately, it seemed like she just couldn't relate to them anymore.

She dropped her bag on the floor of her room and collapsed on her bed. Her desk was cluttered with framed photographs, every last one of them was of her and Phil. All them brought back once happy memories that were now painful. She picked up one picture, her favorite. It was of her and Phil kissing under the mistletoe the previous Christmas. She remember the moment with perfect clarity. How she felt so safe in his arms, how kissing him made her weak in the knees and how she had wanted the moment to last forever. She remembered how, at the sound of Pim's camera, she and Phil and jumped apart, blushing like mad.

She stared at the picture until she notice the teardrops hitting the glass.

_No you don't know what it's like _

_When nothing feels all right _

_You don't know what it's like to be like me _

Looking back, Keely remembered feeling like she was in fairy tale. She had led a normal, suburban life until a handsome stranger from the future had swept her off her feet and turned her life upside down. Life with Phil had seemed perfect until one day everything came crashing down. Keely remembered the look of absolute devastation on Phil's face as he told her he had to return to the future with his family. She remembered kissing him for the last time, not being able to bring herself to say good-bye, and watching the time machine disappear. She had sobbed for hours, desperately wishing that it was all a bad dream.

That's the thing about fairy tales, Keely thought bitterly, they never come true.

_To be hurt _

_To feel lost _

_To be left out in the dark _

_To be kicked _

_When you're down _

_To feel like you've been pushed around _

_To be on the edge of breaking down _

_And no one's there to save you _

_No you don't know what it's like _

_Welcome to my life _

The next morning, Keely went downstairs to find her mom sitting at the table, sipping coffee. "Have any plans this weekend Keely?" She asked cheerfully as Keely poured herself a bowl of cereal.

Keely shook her head. "Nope."

"You used to be out with your friends all the time and it got so I never saw you. Now I can't get you to leave the house. What happen, Keely? What's all this moping about?"

"It's not about anything, Mom. What does everything always have to be about something? Can't I just not want to go out?"

"This is about Phil isn't it?" Keely just stared into her cereal. "You know you're going to have get on with your life sooner or later, right?"

"What if I don't want to?"

"Keely, you're going to lose a few friends every now and then. You just have to learn to live with and get on with life."

"You don't get it, Mom. Phil was the best friend I've had...and so much more than that. He was the one person I could count on no matter what, the one person who understood everything about me. He was there for me, no matter what. He was everything to me and I can't just forget about all that."

"OK, so you were close, I understand, but you'll find someone else you can be just as close to. I don't see what the big deal is."

"I was in love with him!" Keely surprised herself by shouting so loudly. She lowered her voice. "I'm still in love with him."

Her mom smiled. "Keely, you're only seventeen, you're still young, you'll find someone else."

"You really don't understand, do you, Mom? I will never find anyone like Phil ever again and I will never love anyone as much as I love him as long as I live. When he left, my entire wold was torn apart and I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I just felt lost. I still do, everyday."

"Keely, don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?"

"No, I don't," Keely said, tossing her half empty bowl in the sink. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't trivialize my feelings."

"Keely-" Her mom started but cut herself off as Keely disappeared up the stairs.

_Do you wanna be somebody else? _

_Are you sick of feeling so left out? _

_Are you desperate to find something more _

_Before your life is over?_

Keely slammed her bedroom door and fell down onto her bed. She hated feeling so lost, so lonely, and so depressed but she couldn't help it. For nearly three years, Phil had been her whole world. He was her best friend, her soul mate and the love of her life. She had tried to move on with her life but after failed at every attempt. Nothing seemed worth anything anymore to Keely and she struggled to find herself amidst a sea of overwhelming emotion.

_Are you stuck inside a world you hate? _

_Are you sick of everyone around? _

_With the big fake smiles and stupid lies _

_While deep inside you're bleeding _

Keely's phone rang, jolting her out of her thoughts. She answered and was greeted by Tia's voice on the other end. "Hey, Keel, how ya doing?"

"Fantastic," Keely replied halfheartedly.

"Listen, do you have any plans tonight?"

"No, why?" She asked warily. Clearly, Tia had plans for her she was sure she wasn't going to like.

"Well, you remember Joey, right?"

Keely racked her brain. She had trouble keeping all of Tia's boyfriends straight, especially recently. "Uhhhh...blond hair, blue eyes, from Canada?"

"No, that was Jimmy. Joey has green eyes, sandy hair and a Southern accent."

"Right, Joey. Yeah, I remember." Keely still had no idea who she was talking about.

"Anyway, Joey's cousin Nick is in town for the weekend and he wanted me to hook him up with someone. How about it? Are you up for a double date?"

"I don't think so, Tia."

"Come on, he's really cute."

"I really don't care how cute he is. I'm really not up for it."

"You'd be doing me a huge favor, Keely."

"I'd love to help you out, Tia, it's just-"

Tia cut her off. "It just he's not Phil, right?" Keely was silent. "Look, Keel, you really need to get over him."

"First my mom, now you! Why does everyone keep insisting that I get over him?"

_"_Because you do! Phil was a great guy, Keely, but you need to move on!"

"News flash, Tia! I'm still in love with him!"

"Keely-"

"I'm sick of everyone assuming they know how I feel and what's best for me. No one understands, they just offer me generic solutions that make them feel good about themselves. I'm just sick of it!"

"Keely, we just want you to be happy."

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to be happy!"

Keely slammed down the phone, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

_No you don't know what it's like _

_When nothing feels all right _

_You don't know what it's like to be like me _

Keely wanted so badly to be able to confide in Tia, to make her understand, but she couldn't. She thought back to a time, before Phil had shown up, when she and Tia were like sisters, doing everything together and telling each other their deepest secrets. But while they remained friends, they'd both changed and grown apart. Tia had her fashion and boyfriend-of-the-week and Keely had Phil and her music. As much as Keely wanted to pour her heart out to Tia, she couldn't. She knew Tia would never understand. She'd never lost someone so close to her and even though she'd had more boyfriends than you could count on two hands, Keely knew Tia had never even come close to having what she and Phil had.

As much as Keely wished she had Tia to understand, she wished even more that she had Phil back. He always knew exactly what she was thinking, just by looking in her eyes and somehow made everything better without ever saying a word. She missed him more than she knew how to put into words.

_To be hurt _

_To feel lost _

_To be left out in the dark _

_To be kicked _

_When you're down _

_To feel like you've been pushed around _

_To be on the edge of breaking down _

_And no one's there to save you _

_No you don't know what it's like _

_Welcome to my life _

Keely had to get out of the house. She grabbed a jacket and head out the door, not even bothering to tell her mother where she was going. When the blast of crisp November air hit her face, she immediately felt a little more calm. She started walking, not really knowing where she was going. As she took in the scenes of serene suburbia life all around Pickford, she couldn't help but feel left out, like she wasn't apart of any of it.

After about ten minutes of walking, Keely ended up in front of the house the Diffys had once called home. A "For Sale" sign was stuck in the overgrown lawn. It had been months since the Diffys had left but still the house remained empty and Keely liked it that way.

She walked up to the porch and sat on the front steps. Closing her eyes, Keely let the memories wash over her.

"We've got each other's backs. We always will."

"Yo, Teslow! Would you just make up with my brother already? He's driving me insane!"

"I've seen you all grown up..."

"I thought our friendship meant more to you than some girl you met two days ago, Phil. Looks like I was wrong."

"Keely...would you...er...would you...be my girlfriend?"

"Phil, I need you there. I can't do this without you."

"Diffy! Teslow! No kissing the hall! Get to class!"

"Phil really loves you, Keely. I hope you know that."

"PIM! I swear, when I get my hands on you..."

"I love you, Keely, I will always love you."

"I'll never forget you, Phil..."

Keely was hit by one particularly powerful memory. She could see as clear as if it was happening right then. She saw herself, just over a year younger, walking up the porch steps, hand in hand with Phil. He stopped just before they got to the door.

"Aren't we going to go inside?" She asked.

"In a minute. There's something I want to tell you first." He took a deep breath. "I love you, Keely."

She threw her arms around him and whispered, "I love you too, Phil."

"The first time Phil told me he loved me..." Keely whispered to herself. She felt the tears begin to fall again and buried her face in her hands, feeling as if someone had taken a sledge hammer to her heart.

_No one ever lied straight to your face _

_And no one ever stabbed you in the back _

_You might think I'm happy _

_But I'm not gonna be ok _

_Everybody always gave you what you wanted _

_You never had to work it was always there _

_You don't know what it's like _

_What it's like _

After a good hour or so of sitting on the porch, Keely began to get cold and decided she'd better get home before her mom freaked too much. About half way home, she spotted Tia down the street, walking toward her. She felt awful about blowing up at her earlier, even if everything she said was true. Not wanting to lose someone else, Keely wanted to fix things between her and Tia.

With Tia getting closer, Keely had to think fast, not one of her greatest strengths. When she finally reached her, Keely just said, "Hey, Tia."

"Hey." Tia kept her distance and Keely couldn't blame her. She'd been pretty harsh earlier.

"Listen, Tia, I'm really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I'm just not ready to date right now."

"No worries, Keel. It was my fault. I should have thought before asking you to go on that date. You're still upset about Phil and I should have realized that."

"So we're cool?"

"Of course."

Both girls were silent for a moment before Tia said, "You know, I was always jealous of what you and Phil had."

Keely was caught off guard by that comment. "Really? Why? You've had more boyfriends than Elizabeth Taylor."

Tia laughed. "That's just it. With me, it's more of a hobby than anything really meaningful. What you and Phil had was really special, I could tell. You really miss him don't you?"

"Yeah."

"All that stuff you said earlier, it was all true wasn't it?"

"No, I was just...caught up in the moment."

Tia shook her head. "You can't fool me, Keely, I've known you for too long. You're really taking this hard."

Keely plastered a fake smile on her face. "No, really, Tia, I'm fine. Promise."

Tia eyed her skeptically. "All right, if you say so." She glanced at her watch. "Well, I've got to jet, but remember, I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, Keely."

Keely continued to force herself to smile. "Yeah, I know, but I swear, I'm fine."

"Whatever. See ya."

As soon as Tia was gone, so was Keely's smile. She'd gotten to be a very good at acting like everything was okay in the last couple of months.

_To be hurt _

_To feel lost _

_To be left out in the dark _

_To be kicked _

_When you're down _

_To feel like you've been pushed around _

_To be on the edge of breaking down _

_And no one's there to save you _

_No you don't know what it's like _

Back at home, Keely shut herself in her room with her guitar to work on her newest song, the one thing that helped her ease the pain. She had always loved song writing but lately, it had taken on a whole new meaning for her. Her lyrics were the one place she could find the words to express what she was going through and how she felt. She picked up the beat-up spiral notebook that held all her lyrics. Keely had been writing her lyrics in that notebook for quite sometime and as she flipped through the pages, she realized that a stranger could very easily piece together the history of her relationship with Phil just by reading it, although the only person she'd ever shared it with was Phil himself.

The beginning of the notebook held upbeat songs about true love, happy endings and a girl falling for her best friend. The latter, more recent songs, however, told a different story. They told of heartache, loneliness and crushed dreams. The ink on a few of the pages was smeared where Keely's tears had hit the paper.

Sitting at her desk, Keely picked up her pen and looked at the pictures for inspiration. Looking at them, she felt the pain that had become a constant in her life. "If you only knew how much this hurts, Phil...you're the only one who can help me find myself again..." Keely whispered as she tried unsuccessfully to fight back her tears. "I miss you so much..."

_To be hurt _

_To feel lost _

_To be left out in the dark _

_To be kicked _

_When you're down _

_To feel like you've been pushed around _

_To be on the edge of breaking down _

_And no one's there to save you _

_No you don't know what it's like _

_Welcome to my life _

_Welcome to my life _

_Welcome to my life _

A/n: Don't worry, the new story I'm working on has a happy ending. Y'all know where the review button is. (Wink wink)

-Sam

D/c: We all know I don't own _Phil of the Future _or "Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan.


End file.
